"ORRRRRR" shrieked Evans, "wazzit thalotopsit?!" Of course it was thalotopsit Thalotopsit sat and enjoyed every moment of Mr Evans rant. David was on the list for Prime Minister's Questions and he made his presence felt. Would the Prime Minister remind those under 35, was it the Conservative Party that had let inflation rise to 29 per cent? "NO" roared the Tories That raised the top rate of tax to 98 per cent? "NO" That had 176 MPs sponsored by the "Oonians"? "NO". Two rows below him was Frank Field (Lab, Birkenhead) who believes strongly in the need to remoralise the benefit system. With his soft voice, pointy ears and his dapper, slightly fey appearance Mr Field needs only a pair of gossamer wings to be the Tough- But-Tender Fairy.But let us not digress, for this is not the end of the Evans.

There was the handsome MP for Nottingham South, Alan Simpson (who every week, writes a column in Tribune about how awful a Blair government will be and how it will betray the poor and needy) effectively rubbishing the anti-fraud campaign, earning approving smiles from the designer-rumpled Jeremy Corbyn (Islington N). Which Evans truly spoke for modern Conservatism? The benefit doling Nigel? The benefit slashing David? Or the AC/DC Roger, who seemed to lean both ways?Not, incidentally, that things were any clearer on the other side of the House. Our third Evans - David (Welwyn) would presumably have no truck with it. As we know he resents "the taxpiyer" forking out in benefits for anybody - especially, he told us yesterday - for "illegal immy-grants, those who work in the black economy" (probably the same people in Mr Evan's mind) and "bogus asylum-seekers".This left me confused. Yesterday he described it as "leaking [sic] off the backs of 16-year-olds ...

taxing them for staying on at school".Now this is odd logic for a Conservative. At least twice a week he finds an opportunity to criticise Gordon Brown's plans to stop paying this benefit as "a new tax". Like a greying rabbit he bounces to the despatch box and gives actorly emphasis to every other word (my HONOURABLE friend is ABSOLUTELY right). Nigel has a bee in his bonnet about child benefit for 16- to 18-year- olds at school. Privately, Gillian Shephard must be hoping that she will never have to implement any of the zany ideas put forward in the White Paper."However, the local authorities described the paper as "a mixed bag of sense and predictability."Graham Lane, chair of the Association of Metropolitan Authorities' education committee, said the renewed role of local authorities in improving schools was welcome, and that increased delegation of spending would be accepted.